What are the “belonging rules” in your team?
You know- the rules that tell people what it would take for them to earn a place of acceptance in the team
And don’t kid yourself into believing that your team doesn’t have these rules.
Because even if you haven’t created these rules for your team, they exist.
As human beings, we are hard-wired to create belonging rules when we are in a group.
And the enforcement of these rules lies in the subtle subconscious response that team members portray to show acceptance or rejection.
Like the jokes, we laugh at. Or don’t
The behaviors we admire. Or don’t
The people we acknowledge. Or don’t
One client once said to me, “In my team we celebrate everything over a drink. I don’t drink so I’m not part of the celebrations. I’m not even invited anymore”.
Another said, “Everyone in my team works 16-hour days. I don’t. So others including my manager make me feel like a slacker even though I finish all my work on time”.
Both are examples of belonging rules at play.
The people who are most likely to be able to identify these rules are the new members of the team who are still trying to fit in.
Because each of us is also hardwired to have the need to belong.
And why should we be worried about these rules?
Because the culture of your team(and organization) is defined by these rules.
Whether a workplace is toxic or nurturing is defined by these rules
And if people are able to bring their whole selves to work is decided by these rules
So perhaps it makes sense to have a deeper look at them
So Again. What are the belonging rules in your team?
And what belonging rules do you want to have instead?