A recent article all over Facebook, news portals and blogs had Indira Nooyi’s picture and title proclaiming in bold terms “I don’t think women can have it all. I just don’t think so. ”
While active feminista ran to share the post and add a whole bunch of likes to it; it made me wonder why we are making such a hoola hoo about this. “Women cannot have it all”….but then who can? Is there really anyone out there, man or woman who can claim to have it all…….all the time?
To start with we don’t even have the same definition of “all” but for the benefit of the discussion if I were to assume it means having a full blown career, family life, money, etc. I am yet to find a man who has it all. Most guys who make it to the top of a career ladder work hard and make personal sacrifices. And there are an equal number who prioritize family life and do not make it to the top. While I do not at any point want to convey that working women or women at large have it easy and being a full time working mother myself, I completely understand what juggling responsibilities is about, I do beg to differ from the victim stand that is portrayed of women in this interview.
For a moment I even wonder if Ms. Nooyi really wanted to convey what is being interpreted and proclaimed here. If a woman is strong enough to lead a MNC what stops her from establishing ground rules at home like who gets the milk? If Mom didn’t ask her husband, why did she not ask him herself? Also why is she expecting her mother to define her role? Shouldn’t any person define who she/he is in their professional AND personal life?
At any time in life it is never about “having it all”. It is about making choices that will make you happy. If one chooses to slow down their career because they can’t deal with the guilt of leaving their children back home it is a choice- just like having children is a choice.
Often a large part of unhappiness for women happens not because they make a compromise but because they are constantly living a life defined by:
1. What others think and/or want from them
2. Believing that putting themselves first is selfish or somehow makes one a bad person
3. Looking to find appreciation and self-worth outside of oneself
4. Limiting beliefs which no longer hold true or serve their needs
So if mom does not appreciate your wins there is always a choice to build your self-worth on that or on the win that you achieved. Every person including our moms are entitled to their opinion and sticking to that opinion is a person’s choice just like letting someone’s opinion effect you is.
I say “man or women can’t have it all” but they can have what matters to them if they can figure out what it is that matters to them.